Pastor, Your PK Needs One-on-One Time with You

Growing up as a PK (pastor’s kid) can be challenging. Pastor dads are busy, and sometimes, the church’s needs can drown out the needs of the PK. Yet, there is so much grace for pastors and their families. God is in the business of loving PKs and helping pastor dads to be faithful in both the church and the home.

By God’s grace, my childhood as a PK was sweet. I have countless memories of one-on-one moments with my dad – moments he redeemed to shepherd my heart and point me to Jesus.

A pastor’s faithfulness in the home is crucial. More than that, it’s biblical. According to 1 Timothy 3:4-5, faithful fathering is a prerequisite for faithful pastoring, for “if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?”

Pastor Dad, your PK needs you one-on-one. Take advantage of intentional moments together, demonstrating your love, modeling the Father, and ultimately getting to know your PK’s heart.

Demonstrating your love

Your PK doesn’t want to feel like they’re coming in second to the church. This can lead to bitterness toward the body of Christ. I’ve found that the PK whose father is faithfully present is far less likely to resent the church and far more likely to love her.

When pastor dads are intentional with their kids, the church stops being something that steals dad away and becomes simply another outlet where dad gets to display faithfulness. Most PKs are happy to share their dad with the local church if they are secure in his love.

One-on-one time shows your PK they’re your priority. When I was little, my dad would take me to the annual daddy-daughter dance at our community center. I’d get all dressed up, and Dad would buy me a corsage, then take me to dinner and the dance. I remember loving every minute.

Occasions like this made me feel special. But Dad was also intentional with small everyday moments. He told the best bedtime stories with hilarious characters and biblical themes. I still remember the details today. These memories are priceless, tangible evidence of Dad’s love for me. And all he did was give me his time.

Modeling the Father

Pastor dads are also responsible for modeling God’s heart to their children. We have a God who is near (Psalm 145:18), who came to dwell among us (John 1:14). He searches us and knows us, discerning our thoughts (Psalm 139:1-2). He has numbered every hair on our heads (Luke 12:7). We have a personal, intentional, intimate God.

Pastor Dad, what kind of God are you reflecting? One who is close and personal or distant and indifferent? One who is purposeful and attentive or apathetic and distracted? May your life as a dad paint a humble yet accurate picture of the Father for your kids.

You won’t do this perfectly. Some seasons of pastoral ministry will demand much of your time and energy. But God’s grace is sufficient as you seek to be faithful in the small things (Luke 16:10). In time, you’ll find that the small things are the biggest things of all. You’ll never regret the time you spent shepherding the little hearts in your home.

Getting to the heart

Finally, one-on-one time lets you know your PK’s heart more deeply. The more time you intentionally spend with your PK, the more they will feel secure in your love. This security leads to trust, which means your PK will more likely let you into the deep places of their hearts. Your intentionality makes space for your PK to ask questions and invite you into areas of struggle.

Most importantly, this trust allows you to give your PK the gospel. When I was young, I struggled with assurance of salvation. I’d lay in bed each night and worry about the eternal destination of my soul. Dad met me in that struggle, sitting with me at bedtime and telling me the gospel with gentleness, wisdom, and grace. I felt safe asking questions over and over again because I was confident of his love for me. I trusted him.

Pastor Dad, your kids have a particular blessing in you. You have a wealth of biblical knowledge. You love the gospel. You know how to shepherd. Put simply, one-on-one time is a way to bless your kids richly. So don’t waste a single moment. Instead, redeem bedtimes and car rides, meals, and playtime. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). Now is the time to give your kids the gospel. So get them one-on-one, tell them the story of Jesus, and pray that they grow to love him all their days.