Advice on Helping Your Children Appreciate Being Pastor’s Kids

You have probably heard the term “PK” (pastor’s kid). Maybe you were a PK yourself, growing up in a different environment from others in the church. Whether we intend it or not, the pastor’s children have a unique role with disadvantages and advantages. A pastor’s wife can understand this because they have similar stresses and joys. Let’s look at how you can teach your children the blessings of having a father who is a pastor.

Your children are blessed to sit close to the pulpit

The pastor’s family most likely sits toward the front of the church. One reason our family chose to sit close to the pulpit was because it was the least preferred seat in the building! Not only that, but those seats gave my husband easy access to the podium. It’s understandable why the members and visitors would rather not sit up front. If your child is fussy, he is in full view of the congregation. Everyone notices when you need to take your little girl to the bathroom. Your older children are aware that they are on display, especially if you emphasize it. The wise mother will lovingly remind her children to try not to be a distraction to those sitting behind them.

It is a blessing, though, to sit close to the pulpit. Tell your children that they are better able to pay attention. I know some parents who move up front for that reason. Let your children know it is a privilege to sit under the preaching of the Word. In Nehemiah 8, Ezra read the Book of the Law of Moses to the people. The group consisted of “both men and women and all who could understand what they heard” (Nehemiah 8:2). Verse 3 says, “And the ears of all the people were attentive to the Book of the Law.” Children were among them, standing with their mothers and fathers. Ezra and the Levites “read from the book from the Law of God, clearly, and they gave the sense, so that the people understood the reading” (v. 8). It is a blessing to hear the Word read and explained. Your children benefit from hearing the Word from their dad.

Your children are blessed to worship with the community of grace

Your children may feel pressured to conform in church. Of course, we parents are training each young person to behave properly in the worship service. Because your children are the pastor’s kids, your congregation may have added expectations of them. Perhaps you have added to that pressure with your own requirements. I regret how my words and actions in the past stressed my young children and myself. It will help you to remember that each family has its challenges with their children. A sympathetic congregation will be tolerant of your children’s mistakes. One Sunday, I was sitting in the front row with a few neighborhood children who were visiting. My children were behind me, so I didn’t see them messing around. To my chagrin, my husband stopped his sermon to tell them to settle down! It was humbling, but we can laugh about it now.

If you struggle with disappointment in your children’s behavior, remind yourself and them of God’s grace. The children of Israel gathered to confess their sins after they heard the reading from the Book of the Law of the Lord their God. This repentance was genuine but filled with worship. Nehemiah 9 recounts the exhortation of the Levites to the people. God is described as “a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love [who] did not forsake them” (Nehemiah 9:17b). Your children should hear this encouragement as well as necessary correction. Reminders of God’s goodness to His children should accompany patient instruction and necessary discipline.

Your children are blessed to be present when the Holy Spirit is at work

Many pastors’ children thrive in the life of the church; others outwardly conform without involving their hearts. One of your kids may strive to be the first to raise his hand in Sunday School and will have the correct answer every time. Another child may compete to win the top prize in Bible memory drills. Your daughter may be the most popular girl in the church because her dad is the pastor. As a mother, you enjoy seeing these positive aspects of being a PK.

You hope their actions reflect submission to the work of the Holy Spirit. God does not look at the outward appearance but on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). The Lord seeks worship from the heart, as we read in John 4:23: “…true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.” The Levites addressed the Lord and said, “You gave your good Spirit to instruct [the people]” (Nehemiah 9:20). As their mother, you should emphasize to your children that inner transformation is more pleasing to God and is the result of the Holy Spirit’s work.

In some ways, we would wish our kids to be the same as other children in the church, but there are ways their experience is unique. As the pastor’s wife, you should recognize their stressors while emphasizing the positive impact of belonging to your ministry family. Teaching these lessons will benefit you as well. 1) You and your children will probably be more visible than others in your church, but having a “front-row seat” to hear the Word preached is a blessing. 2) You and your children are on display, but it is a blessing to apply the grace of God to struggles and mistakes. 3) You and your children might feel the stress of conforming outwardly, but knowing that the Lord values true worship from the heart is a blessing.

©2023 Caroline Newheiser. All rights reserved. Used with permission.