How a Pastor Can Honor His Wife as a Mother
Mother’s Day is often a special day in the life of the church. Our churches value motherhood and thus recognize mothers in particular ways. Some churches distribute a flower to each mother. Sunday School teachers encourage children to create cards thanking their mothers. Some pastors preach a sermon on the Proverbs 31 woman. Other pastors may feel reluctant to speak about their wives as ideal mothers for fear of distressing women in the congregation who suffer from infertility. A wise pastor seeks to honor his wife’s accomplishments without detracting from the work of Christ. Can this goal be reached? Yes! Let us look at a few ways a pastor can honor his wife as a godly mother, not only on Mother’s Day but as a way of life.
In Public
My husband of nearly 45 years has publicly honored me as a mother and has privately made me feel blessed to be the mother of his children. He has grown in this area through reading a book titled Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree. This small book presents the idea that we should encourage the good work God is doing in others. The Bible has many examples of the people of God praising others. A clear scripture related to this topic is regarding the husband who praises his wife in Proverbs 31. He says, “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all” (Prov. 31:29). Apparently, this husband is a leader in the community because he is seated at the city gate, the location where city business takes place (Prov. 31:23, see Ruth 4:1-12). His praise and his children’s praise are recorded for all to see. It is biblical to affirm your wife as a mother.
It is important to say a few words about public praise. The pastor needs to be wise in encouraging his wife in front of the congregation. For example, he will want to avoid embarrassing his wife. She might wish her ministry to remain understated and not elevated above other women in the church. Some women might be convicted by Matthew 6:1-4. There, Jesus warns: “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them.” Your wife might feel shy about what she views as her modest contributions.
The pastor will also be aware that a spirit of jealousy or competition could arise if he elevates his wife above the other women in the church. He can avoid effusive praise, which could minimize or criticize other women who serve the body. The Bible gives a guide for the purpose of the worship service. In 1 Corinthians 14:26, we read, “Let all things be done for building up.” Again, we see that praise is biblical. Later in that section, Paul writes, “all things should be done decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40). This praise should be carefully administered during worship service. The wise pastor can praise his wife publicly while focusing on being thankful for God’s work in and through her.
In Private
The pastor’s private support of his wife is essential to his ministry. If it becomes known that he praises his wife publicly while treating her the opposite at home, he will damage his reputation. This hypocrisy will affect his reputation with outsiders and can lead to disqualification (1 Timothy 3:2-7). In private, he is to love his wife as someone who is part of him (Ephesians 5:25-33). She is his companion, and he should treat her with respect and loving words.
I am thankful to have a husband who sincerely honors me publicly and privately. For example, hearing my husband thank me for the meal I prepared warms my heart. It is even more special if he shares his enthusiasm in front of our dinner guests. I want to please him (and our guests), so I am especially grateful for his affirmation.
Another way I receive support at home is when my husband respects my God-given calling to train our children (Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-4). We raised three sons who sometimes needed Dad to come in as an additional authority figure, one who backed up my rules and the implementation of those rules. Our children saw that their dad respected me. This was important for child-training purposes but also meant that they realized their parents agreed about expectations. Our sons knew that they could not successfully divide their mom and dad. The authority in the family was unified.
Our sons also grew up knowing that their dad honored me as a fellow believer. Romans 8:16-17 describes all believers as children of God, “heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ.” In God’s kingdom, “as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ…there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus…heirs according to promise” (Galatians 3:27-29, see also 1 Peter 3:7). This reality governs how Christians treat one another within marriage, while also respecting our God-given roles in marriage. My children saw that I was respected by my husband when he included my thoughts and opinions during family devotions. My prayers were requested and valued. Our sons are grown men now, but they still see their dad praise my small contributions to God’s kingdom. In addition, they realize that my husband appreciates the counsel I give him when we discuss spiritual matters or decisions. Our mutual respect is on display.
Conclusion
Mother’s Day is a time to single out mothers in our congregations. Pastors rightfully elevate their wives who serve the Lord in their role as mothers. This good desire should be regulated by decorum and the desire to praise God while honoring motherhood. It can be done sincerely in both the public sphere and at home. May the Lord be glorified above all!
©2024 Caroline Newheiser. Used with permission.
About The Author

Caroline Newheiser
Caroline Newheiser is the Assistant Coordinator of Women’s Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary-Charlotte. She has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years.