How Churches Can Honor God’s Marriage Design

Very few things shock me in ministry, but one statement caught me off guard. A Christian father said to me, “My son and his wife decided not to have children because the world is much too evil to raise godly children.” I was so surprised that I did not know what to say. Yet the sentiment is not unique. People today are choosing to delay getting married and having children. Some prefer not to marry, and if they marry, some prefer not to have children, or at least not more than one or two.

Some Christians are even fearful of marriage. They look around at all the failed marriages, the high cost of living, the difficult times, and the lack of suitable marriage partners and put marriage on hold or even out of the question. The same applies to the prospect of having children. Some countries are in danger of social and economic crises because they are not producing enough children to sustain a healthy nation.

Most of these fears are unfounded or self-caused.

The world has always been a difficult place for Christians.

(Gal. 1:4; Eph. 5:16; 6:13; Phil. 2:15)

Yet Christians have thrived because of God’s grace and power (John 16:33; I John 5:4-5, 19). Some of our fears are from our expectations. Couples expect to get married and have all the comforts of home and what their parents have accumulated over the years of marriage. They compare themselves to other couples, the DINKS (double income, no kids), expecting the same luxuries and freedoms. The result of abortion, especially selective abortions, and smaller families also means that there are fewer options and choices for singles. Add to this the lack of emphasis on character qualities in our children and the promotion of a permissive society, and you have a generation not having what it takes to get married and stay married. Failed marriages and failed families only increase the problem. None of these, however, are a reason for Christians to delay marriage or avoid having children. Here is why.

God Blessed Marriage

Marriage and family are God’s purpose for the human race, especially for God’s people. The creation account states not only the creation of the first pair as male and female (Gen. 1:17) but also the command for them to be married and have children (Gen. 1:28). The verse begins with the words, “God blessed them,” thus indicating the blessing that comes in marriage and family (Gen. 1:28). God prefaces the command with a blessing. Marriage and family carry God’s blessing.

The fact that God commands it leaves no room for any excuse not to marry and have children if this is God’s calling for someone.

(I Cor. 7:7)

Scripture clearly teaches that marriage is a blessing to humanity. Genesis 2 explains the specifics behind marriage. God designed it to add joy and happiness to a husband and wife. It gives both man and wife companionship (Gen. 2:8-22), thus establishing friendship based on their mutual compatibility (Gen. 2:21-23) and their oneness (Gen. 1:24; Mat. 19:4-6; Eph. 5:28-32). As sexual beings, they also bring love and pleasure to one another (Gen. 2:25; 4:1; Prov. 5:15-19). The Song of Solomon describes the blessed relationship God intended in marriage. I often describe our marriage as the blessed privilege of marrying my best friend and sharing our lives for God’s glory. No one should hesitate to marry if God has called them and they have found God’s choice (I Cor. 7:1-7, 35-39). In addition, marriage is God’s honorable institution to be held in honor by all with all purity (Heb. 13:4). Those who fear the high cost and burden of marriage should note that the exaltation of marriage in Hebrews 13:4 is followed by God’s promise of provision in Hebrews 13:5-6. Couples build strong marriages through humble beginnings, faithful dependence on God’s provision and protection, and the bond of working together to build a Christian family for the glory of God.

God Blesses Children

The blessing of God also extends to having children. As noted in Genesis 1:28, procreation is not optional but commanded by the Lord. Couples should look forward to having children. Psalm 127:3 states, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.” God does not consider them a burden, and neither should we. Psalm 128:1-5 describes a happy, fruitful, functional family. Children add so much to our lives, from joy to security (Psalm 127:4-5; 128:5-6).

Again, what God blesses God will sustain. Every parent, in one way or another, trades physical prosperity for the blessing of having children.

Sure, family costs, but so do all the “toys” people trade for not having children. Yet the unwed and the childless couples (DINKS) can never understand the trade-off, nor will they ever experience the miracle of childbirth and the incomparable joy of child-rearing.

Every Christian parent can be assured of God’s provision and protection (Psa. 37:25-26; 127:1-2). When we were newlyweds and I was a seminary student, my grandmother would ask when we were going to have children. I would say to her, “Grandma, they would starve to death.” Well, God blessed us with children, and no one “starved to death.”

The Church’s Role in Promoting Marriage and Family

Our singles and couples in our churches need help understanding these truths and living them out in a society where marriages are failing, families are dysfunctional, where promiscuity is encouraged, and child-rearing is discouraged. The church needs to be the vanguard in promoting biblical marriages and families.

The church needs to celebrate marriage by honoring those who are married, especially those couples who have long and happy marriages. We should also build healthy marriages by offering venues and classes that promote healthy marriages. In our church, we endeavor to promote marriage by offering Sunday school classes geared to the respective stages of marriage, such as classes for young married couples, couples with elementary school children, and couples with high school and college-aged children. In addition, we help our seniors celebrate marriage by providing special “couple’s nights” for them. We also offer an annual “Couple’s Retreat” for couples of all ages to go on a three-day retreat to spend time together and hear teaching on marriage.

The church needs to be family-friendly. With the growth of the singles segment of the population and the desire to appeal to young singles, the church may not focus on families. A family-friendly church demands a lot of labor to care for, nurture, and disciple children. It demands adequate facilities and finances to carry out the ministry to families. The church must invest time, effort, and resources to help our parents raise their children, thus helping make parenting a blessed event. Our church offers a full Sunday school program for all ages and a mid-week family, including an AWANA program, teen class, nursery, and a full worship service for adults. Our goal is to build strong families.

The church must also prepare its youth and singles for the prospects of marriage and family. The focus on discipleship should include building character, teaching responsibility for self and others, and marriage’s biblical requirements and expectations. Healthy married couples should teach or mentor our youth and singles’ ministry.

Finally, the church should be a healthy place for God’s people to socialize and have godly Christian fellowship. It should be a place to find friends, meet others, and provide venues where our singles can find God’s choice of a spouse. It should be a place where families can come together for prayer and play, worship and work, and learning and laughter. The church must see itself as a safety net to help God’s people honor marriage (Eph. 5:21-33; Heb. 13:4) and raise children in the nurture and discipline of the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4).