How to Start a Marriage Ministry in Your Church

Couples in your church have needs. You want to help. How do you start a church marriage ministry that produces thriving relationships without overextending yourself and putting your marriage at risk?

It’s not easy. But we’ve put together some ideas to help.

Before we get into the details, let me thank you for responding to God’s call to help couples. You’re doing something many churches only dream of doing. A couple years ago, I came across some statistics about church marriage ministries. A research firm discovered that 72% of all churches in the U.S. lack a substantive marriage ministry.¹ Seventy-four percent have no newlywed outreach. The average amount spent reaching couples? Zero. But here’s the hard truth: nearly one in every four couples (almost 25%) in a local church are struggling. The first place they turn to for help is the church … but pastors are too overwhelmed (or don’t feel equipped) to help.²

Marriage ministry is a significant need. But there are many legitimate reasons churches don’t have marriage outreaches: finances, volunteers, or leadership support. We want to change this because healthy marriages are essential for healthy families and provide a solid foundation for healthy, vital, and vibrant churches.

Ready to get started?

Step 1: Create a Vision for Marriage Ministry Based on a Theology of Relationships

The key to a thriving marriage ministry is not just another parent’s night out, marriage event, couple’s small group, or premarital program. Events are not the solution. Relationships are.

God made us in His image and designed us to be relational. So, to start a marriage ministry, start thinking about marriage as one of the primary relationships God uses to help us become “conformed to the image of His Son” (Romans 8:29, ESV).

What does it mean to be conformed to Christ’s image? Jesus explained it in Mark 12:29-30: “The most important [commandment] is, ‘Hear O Israel; The Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ (ESV)

In John 13:34-35, Jesus gave a new command to His followers: “Love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another.” (ESV)

Why does a theology of relationships start with a command to love God and others? Because the primary apologetic – the visible demonstration of God’s Truth – is reflected in our love.

When we help couples have a Christ-like relationship, we give our world a glimpse of God’s character: living, loving, forgiving, and unifying. We’re following the Apostle Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 5:1-2, “Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (ESV)

Given Scripture’s clear teachings on healthy relationships (centered around loving God and others), and given the most significant human relationship is the marriage relationship, it only makes sense that cultivating healthy, Christ-centered marriages becomes part of your church DNA.

We hope that as you see your marriage ministry grow, people in your community recognize that help can be found in the church.

Step 2: Empower a Lay Couple to Lead Your Marriage Ministry

In 2022, the Barna Group asked American pastors what they most enjoyed about their role. To no one’s surprise, 60% chose preaching and teaching.³ Only 4% chose emotional or spiritual care, such as counseling.

In the same survey, 37% of pastors said they wish they had been better prepared to delegate and train people.⁴

If you’re tempted to see these choices as negative, think again: the main job of pastors is to make disciples and prepare God’s people for the work of ministry … not to do all the ministry themselves. (See Eph. 4:12-13, ESV)

As you prayerfully consider starting a marriage ministry in your church, ask God to bring one or two couples to your attention — couples who have a passion for marriage and want to help with healthy marriage relationships.

The couples can lead the marriage ministry and train other couples to act as marriage mentors for your congregation. They are following the biblical model outlined in 2 Timothy 2:2: “What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.” (ESV)

Look for these qualities:

• They have a good marriage (but not perfect).
• They consistently work on their marriage.
• They communicate well.
• Others seek them for marital guidance.
• They are transparent and willing to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their marriage.
• They have a passion for marriage ministry.
• They are growing spiritually.
• They are good at meeting people and establishing relationships.
• They are faithful members of your church who value small groups.
• They seek to resolve conflict biblically.

Share your ideas with these couples and invite them to prayerfully consider leading the marriage ministry. Give them time to grow into the role and then encourage them to lead other couples.

Step 3: Start a Premarital Program for Engaged Couples

Titus 2 challenges mature men and women to become teachers and examples for younger Christians. We believe this also applies to the marriage relationship.

When planning a premarital program, look for a tool that provides 9-10 hours of education from a mentor couple. Topics should focus on:

• The purpose of marriage
• Spiritual relationships
• Lifelong commitment
• Communication
• Managing conflict
• Relating with in-laws
• Sex
• Teamwork
• Finances
• Community

A comprehensive premarital program in your church will strengthen engaged couples before they face challenges. Looking for such a curriculum? We recommend Ready to Wed. It includes:

• A 10-week, video-based curriculum featuring teaching from top Christian marriage experts.
• A leader’s guide
• Two participant’s workbooks

Ready to Wed helps couples start a strong Christ-like marriage and includes practical insights on everything from in-laws to intimacy, finances, chores, and more.

Step 4: Launch Marriage Enrichment Activities

No matter the size of your church budget, you can dedicate time and resources to activities that teach couples how to build and maintain successful, long-lasting marriages. Try some of these:

• An annual sermon series on marriage
• A parent’s night out program
• A marriage enrichment seminar (Focus on the Family offers several)
• A weekend getaway retreat
• Daily/weekly online devotionals for couples
• Couples’ mentoring
• Ongoing small groups or Sunday School classes for couples
• Support system for blended families

Once you have plans, let couples know about the opportunities available.

Step 5: Get the Whole Congregation Involved

Sound impossible? It’s easier than you think. You can invite everyone in your church to become a Marriage Champion. Marriage Champions see a couple in need and then step in to help. Help can be as simple as praying one minute a day for a specific couple. Or offering babysitting services so a couple can go on a date. You can also invite mature couples to share their stories and help a struggling couple see hope is possible. Download the Marriage Champions e-book for simple ideas that make a big difference.

Step 6: Nowhere to Send Couples in Crisis

One way to help couples is by changing your church culture. What if you created a church culture where not only are marriage problems “normal” but also a place where couples feel safe enough to open their hearts and share their challenges?

This culture starts with the pastor. People are drawn to authenticity. When a pastor shares real challenges he and his spouse have faced, people listen. Tastefully transparent stories echo the words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 12:9: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (ESV)

Your example of authenticity creates an atmosphere of safety and openness — a sanctuary or haven for hurting marriages. Then, within that haven, you can offer tools and services to couples in need.

Focus on the Family offers a variety of tools to assist you as:

• Counseling consultation and referrals. Focus on the Family’s counseling department offers brief phone consultations designed to point couples in your community to licensed Christian professionals. Learn more at FocusOnTheFamily.com/get-help.
• Marriage 911 Mentoring Curriculum. Marriage 911 is a 16-week mentoring tool that links mature married couples in your church with couples in crisis. Marriage 911 includes mentor training videos, workbooks, and insights on how to start a mentoring program in your church. Learn more at Marriage911.com.
• Hope Restored. Hope Restored is an intensive counseling program for couples on the brink of divorce. The program bundles months of counseling into a 3- to 5-day intensive experience. Over 11,000 couples have been helped since 2003. Of those couples, 80% are still together two years after the intensive. Get more details at HopeRestored.com.

Ready, Set, Go!

I hope that as you’ve looked at these ideas you’ve recognized two things: First, starting a marriage ministry is possible. Second, that you don’t have to serve alone. Invest in lay leaders who can help or — better yet — lead your marriage ministry.

Your church can make a difference.

Thank you for responding to God’s call to serve couples in your church. I’m praying for you as you start this exciting new outreach.

©2024 Focus on the Family.

1. J. P. DeGance, 2023, Nationwide Study on Faith and Relationships. Retrieved January 9, 2024, from Communio.org. ↩︎
2. Ibid ↩︎
3. Barna Group, 2022, Resilient Pastor’s Initiative. Retrieved January 9, 2023, from Barna.com ↩︎
4. Ibid ↩︎