Prayerful Planning and the Pastor’s Wife
Family, church, home, work—how does a pastor’s wife wrap her mind around it all? Early in my marriage, I remember listening to some experienced pastors’ wives talk about setting aside time on a regular basis to plan and prioritize. It sounded a bit daunting, but they explained the value of this practice and some ways to approach it. While I’ve never been very good at making and keeping New Year’s resolutions, prayerful planning has stuck with me, and it’s made a big difference in how I’ve approached different seasons of ministry and family life.
Maybe you’re a new pastor’s wife or have been one for a long time. If you’ve never set aside intentional time to evaluate your season and the opportunities it offers, or it’s been a while since you have, here are some reasons to consider doing so and ideas to get started.
The value of planning
If you’re so busy that you don’t think you have time to plan, you’re probably too busy not to plan. The benefits of this far outweigh the cost of setting aside time for it—even if you only have an hour. Also, prayerful planning isn’t just for women who enjoy organizing and making lists; it’s for all personality types. You might need to arrange childcare or ask your husband to adjust his schedule to make this happen. If so, it’s worth it. My husband will assure you that there’s good fruit in both our home and ministry when we prioritize this.
Perhaps most compelling, though, is that Scripture values slowing down and considering our days and the best way to use them, and that’s what prayerful planning is all about. In Psalm 90:12, Moses writes, “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” In the New Testament, we read, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).
Notice the time words. “Number our days.” “Best use of the time.” These are coupled with words about wisdom in both verses. Wisdom guides us to consider the shortness of our days and the best way to invest them. When we do, we get “a heart of wisdom.” Wisdom begets wisdom. What better reason to plan and prioritize?
What this looks like up close
There are many ways to live out a biblical principle. Thinking about how we spend our time is wise, but when and where we do it varies. Lots of leaders plan intentionally, but for me, as a pastor’s wife, this means setting aside a longer chunk of time (about once a year) to pray and think strategically about priorities so that my calendar reflects them. Up close, this is what it looks like:
- Find a place. It could be a coffee shop or a nearby park. If you have young children, you could ask your husband to take them out for the day or a friend to watch them at her house. (I’ve even stayed overnight in a hotel.) I prefer places that are quiet without a lot of distractions. Find a spot that works for you, where you can pray and think—and maybe even talk out loud.
- Pray. Start with prayer, committing your way to the Lord. Here are some verses to keep in mind: “Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act” (Psalm 37:5); “Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established” (Proverbs 16:3); and “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).
- Prioritize. List your priorities, including your relationship with God, your husband, and other family members (see Titus 2:4-5). Beyond those, what work has God called you to do, at home or otherwise? Church and ministry might be a separate category, along with friendships; outreach to neighbors and unbelievers in your life could be another. Where does caring for your physical health fit in?
- Evaluate. A pastor’s wife with young children will find her priorities tilted toward the home, while an empty-nester probably has more bandwidth for other kinds of work. Each season brings unique opportunities to connect with others and serve. Describe your season, jotting down notes next to each priority. Maybe put a star next to one or two areas you anticipate needing more attention in coming months. Is there a priority you’ve been neglecting? Is there a priority eating more of your time than it ought to in light of other opportunities?
- Plan. Considering your season and the opportunities it offers, and wanting to make the “best use of the time” (Ephesians 3:16), now plan! How do you want to mature in your relationship with the Lord—is he showing you an area for growth? Who are the people God is impressing on your heart and bringing into your life, people to pray for and reach out to? Write a couple goals for each of your priorities. When it comes to your calendar, this will help you focus on where to invest your time.
Another note about all this. Be flexible. Sometimes, I enter a planning time totally exhausted. If that’s you, find a place and start with prayer. Ask the Lord to quiet your heart and help you to “Be still and know that [he is] God” (Psalm 46:10). Let him remind you that he knows all your days and is in charge (Psalm 139:16). Trust him, and invite him to lead you (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Putting Your Plan into Action
Slowing down to consider our days is valuable to us, but it also serves our husbands and churches as we think about the best ways we can use our gifts in each given season to support them. Share your plans with your spouse, seek his input, and ask for his help implementing them.
When you form goals related to a plan rooted in your God-given priorities, you’re more likely to follow through with them. To make sure you’re living out of God-given priorities and not being overrun by the urgent, it helps to take your big-picture plan and translate it onto your calendar. For example, if planning reveals that energy that should be reserved for your husband is being depleted by a needy church member, it’s easier to step back from that person and add an extra date night. This is how we connect the dots between our prayerful planning and the day-to-day.
The next step is to review your calendar weekly and/or monthly, double-checking that it lines up with the things the Lord is guiding you to do. Then commit your plans to him daily, in faith, remembering that ultimately, he is in control. He will accomplish his purposes in you and through you for his glory and your good.
©2023 Katie Faris. Used with permission.
About The Author

Katie Faris
Katie Faris is a pastor’s wife and mother of five living in New Jersey. She is the author of God Is Still Good: Gospel Hope & Comfort for the Unexpected Sorrows of Motherhood.