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Ways the Lord Can Use an Ordinary Pastor’s Wife

Do you ever find yourself thinking about women married to pastors of large churches and wondering how God could ever use you in the same way he uses them? Would he ever use you in your little church? Do you compare yourself to pastors’ wives with national and even international ministries? Do you think you can’t be as effective in your small church? I have sometimes wondered these same things about my ministry, especially when I see ads for women’s megaconferences featuring mega-influential female speakers. But I want to emphasize that these negative thoughts impact your zeal for the work the Lord has laid out for you. Here are some truths to encourage you.

1. The Lord has equipped each group of believers with leaders called to be faithful in that community

You and your husband may not serve a well-known church, but as you remain faithful in your small congregation, the Lord and your husband value you. In Hebrews 13:17, we read that the church leaders are to watch over the souls of those who worship together. As the pastor’s wife, you have a role in this high calling. In a sense, the elders’ and pastors’ wives are to share in this shepherding. Your pastor-husband would probably say he needs your help to do his job well. You lift up the discouraged women in your body. You kindly greet the visitors. You invite women into your home for weddings and baby showers. You give the devotion at a women’s tea. You might not realize the huge impact you have. Hebrews 13:7 calls the believers to “remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” Your positive example can have a more significant impact than you probably realize.

2. Consider how the people in your congregation feel your impact

Some young women are looking for a picture of a wife and mother to model their lives on because they grew up without a godly example. The young men in the church seek a model of a spiritually active and thriving wife as they decide on the qualities they are looking for in a wife. The woman who had a miscarriage wants a woman with whom to grieve. The shy child in Sunday school looks forward to your kind interest expressed every week. When you invite young people into your home for a meal, you allow them to see how a Christian family interacts. You might not realize it, but these members are watching you. Note the role of the older woman in Titus 2:3-5. The Lord uses her to help others in many important areas. Her ministry is necessary for the church (Titus 2:5). Embrace the opportunity to serve the Lord and influence those in your church.

3. Your influence might only affect a relatively small number of people, but those few could grow into roles that have a broad effect on God’s kingdom 

My husband was the preacher at an average-sized church for many years. We didn’t realize when we began that from our church would come several seminary and university professors, a few serving as long-term missionary families, and many believers serving in other realms where God has placed them. Some people came to faith due to the Lord working through my ministry with the children and young ladies in the congregation. Others were mentored on an informal basis and grew to trust the work of God in their lives. This spiritual growth around me was simply God using a weak but willing servant. Paul quotes the Lord saying in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This verse is true for you, especially when you feel inadequate and unimportant. You can join Paul in saying, “Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God” (2 Corinthians 3:5).

4. The Lord desires to use his weak servants for his kingdom

You might think that the contribution of your ministry will never be significant in God’s plans. Think, instead, of what the Lord desires of you. “He has told you, O [wo]man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8). Those qualities are admirable in the pastor’s wife. In fact, Jesus commends you when you are faithful in the small tasks he has given (Luke 16:10a). When you use even what you consider your small and few talents, your Lord praises you because you have served him (see Proverbs 31:30-31). Above all, “you are serving the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:24b). In the parable of the talents, the master commends those who are diligent with what he gave them, whether large or small amounts. The master says, “Well done, good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your master” (Matthew 25:21, 23). Know that the Lord rejoices over your willingness to serve his people.

In conclusion, realize that your loving God has placed you in the exact church where he wants you to serve his people. Do so with your whole heart, joyfully and passionately, for God’s glory. “Be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5b). Your Lord can and will use you because he walks alongside you. Press forward in the ministry God has given you, keeping your eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-2). Do this, and you will be no ordinary pastor’s wife but one greatly used as a servant of her God.

©2024 Caroline Newheiser. Used with permission.

About The Author

Caroline Newheiser
Caroline Newheiser

Caroline Newheiser is the Assistant Coordinator of Women’s Counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary-Charlotte. She has been a pastor’s wife for over 40 years.

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