5 Biblical Principles for Building Healthy Marriages in the Church

Serving as a pastor means you will need to get more involved in the messy parts of a couple’s marriage than you ever imagined. It can be daunting, challenging, and downright stressful at times. However, the good news is that God has given us clear principles in His Word to help guide us as we strive to build strong and healthy marriages within our church community.

Here are five biblical principles for building strong and healthy marriages in the church:

1. Point them to Christ

As believers, we know that our ultimate example in all things is Jesus Christ. As such, it is essential to point couples to Him and His teachings when it comes to building their marriages. Remind them of the importance of forgiveness, sacrificial love, and selflessness, which are all characteristics Jesus modeled.

I’ve had many couples show up in my office hoping that I would fix the presenting issue or settle their latest argument. While I always strive to be helpful, I am keenly aware that a mere bandage on the outside will not get to the deeper spiritual issues on the inside. James 4:1–3 tells us that our desires wage war with one another. If our ultimate desire is not to be Christlike, then there will always be another presenting issue to fix, such as who takes the kids to the next event, what Saturday looks like, or how to celebrate Dad’s birthday. However, if I can point a couple to Christ first in their lives, I find that the presenting issues practically solve themselves. 

Couples should prioritize their faith in Christ and make it a focal point in their relationship. That means praying, attending church, and studying the Bible together. When God is the foundation of a marriage, the couple will be able to weather any storm and overcome any obstacles that come their way.

I quickly ensure that a couple returns to good spiritual disciplines by explaining that shared devotions don’t promise you a fixed marriage but will draw you closer to God in the midst of your issues.

Then, Christ will form in you what is needed to persevere in marriage. 

2. Foster Open and Honest Communication

Communication is a cornerstone of a strong and healthy relationship. Guide couples toward constructive, open, and honest communication, as exemplified in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” 

Couples should strive to communicate openly and honestly, sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns respectfully and lovingly. Communication also involves active listening—taking the time to understand your partner’s perspective and empathizing with them genuinely. With open and honest communication, couples can build trust and intimacy in their marriage.

I often describe our marriages as a bank account of trust where we make small daily deposits. When we communicate openly, we make deposits of trust. When we sin against each other and break trust, we take out massive withdrawals. But by God’s grace, we can often begin restoring the bank account of trust by opening our lives to each other again.

3. Promote Commitment and Forgiveness

Reinforce the principles of commitment and forgiveness in marriage. Remind couples that they have made a solemn pledge before God, and this commitment should be honored unwaveringly (Hebrews 13:4). If they are going to keep their marriages strong over the long haul, they will need to forgive and remain faithful when offenses emerge. 

We live in a culture that is quick to pull the ejection handle when marriage hits a rough patch.

Sadly, marriage has become expendable and temporary. Usually, the compulsion to destroy the commitment is due to a lack of forgiveness and understanding. While some offenses make rebuilding a marriage particularly complicated, all offenses can be forgiven.

No one is perfect, and every marriage will face challenges and hardships. Couples must learn to forgive each other when mistakes are made or hurts are caused. As the Bible tells us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). When forgiveness lies at the heart of your relationship, you can move beyond past hurts and work toward a stronger future together. We can’t just give up when times are difficult. We press on with patience and perseverance with Christ’s help and His forgiveness in our tank (Ephesians 4:32). 

4. Advocate for Mutual Respect and Understanding

Ephesians 5:21–33 clearly outlines the roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives. It conveys the importance of mutual respect, understanding, and submission to one another. Guide couples to apply these teachings in their relationships, fostering unity and harmony.

Marriage is not just about what you can get from your partner but what you can give. Couples should strive to serve each other in love, putting their partner’s needs above their own. The Bible tells us, “Serve one another humbly in love” (Galatians 5:13). When couples serve each other, they demonstrate the sacrificial love that Christ showed us and foster a culture of selflessness and kindness in their marriage.

Marriage is a journey; like any journey, it requires effort, time, and resources. Couples should make a conscious effort to continually invest in their marriage, whether attending marriage retreats, counseling sessions, or setting aside time for date nights. Investing in your marriage shows your partner that you value and prioritize them and want to understand them. It also helps to strengthen your connection and renew your commitment to each other.

5. Encourage a Christ-Centered Home

Building a marriage isn’t just about the relationship between the two people in it but also about building a family. Encourage couples to build a Christ-centered home (Joshua 24:15) where God’s Word is honored and His teachings form the foundation. Strive to help parents know how to disciple their kids at home through family Bible study. Teaching families to pray together, bless their children biblically, discipline consistently, and forgive genuinely are keys to helping our people honor the Lord in their homes.

Building a vibrant marriage is not easy, but it is possible by applying biblical principles. As pastors and church leaders, we guide couples toward these principles and encourage them to implement them into their daily lives. When couples put God first, practice forgiveness, communicate openly and honestly, serve each other, and continually invest in their marriages, they can build a foundation that will last a lifetime. Let us all strive to support and strengthen marriages in the church so families can thrive and our church communities can be transformed.

©2024 Josh Weidmann. Used with permission.