Fearful PK, Faithful God

Lots of pastors worry about their kids. I don’t think this is so much because they’re pastors; I think it’s because they’re parents—and this is what parents do. But it is true that pastors have some unique reasons to worry about the kids they love. 

Ministry isn’t easy. Families who have devoted their lives to serving Christ’s bride face challenges, often in the form of loneliness, anxiety, and fear. Though there were many sweet things about growing up a pastor’s kid, I experienced these challenges.

Throughout my growing-up years, the enemy fed me lie after lie, and I slowly consumed them. By the time I reached adulthood, I was more burdened by anxiety and fear than I ever thought possible. The enemy had been telling me, through various hurtful situations, that I wasn’t worth loving, and I believed him. Shame became my story, sending me into a spiral of chronic sorrow that felt unshakeable. 

Hope from Psalm 34

If this doesn’t sound like the encouraging article you expected, stay with me. Because what I want to tell all the worried pastors out there is this: God was working for my good. 

I learned a lot about dealing with fear as a pastor’s kid in this season, but I learned even more about the Deliverer. He doesn’t leave his people enslaved to fear. David testifies to this in Psalm 34:4-5: “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look on him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” 

I firmly believe God isn’t out to get us PKs. He’s out to make us holy. And if He uses the pressures of ministry to do this, then praise Him. One of the most beautiful things I’ve learned about God is that fear crumbles at the sight of glory. This is the story I want to tell, using Psalm 34:4-5 as our guide.

Dealing with Fear: God’s Faithfulness in Ministry Struggles

First, let’s consider verse 4: “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” 

How true this has been in dealing with fear as a pastor’s kid. God hears. And, more than that, He answers. 

When I was weighed down by fear and anxiety, God didn’t leave me. Instead, He taught me to pray. I learned what it meant to seek the Lord, to be honest about the empty places in my heart and to offer them to Him. He heard me through journal pages and a hundred hours of walking and talking. 

I grew to love Him on the sidewalks of my old neighborhood, where I learned that prayer isn’t about changed circumstances so much as a changed heart. He answered, not with immediate relief from the things I feared, but with joy despite them. And I found that the empty places in my heart were a gift because He filled them with Himself. 

Overcoming Shame: We’re Transformed by Glory

Growing up, my fear of being unlovable slowly morphed into an abiding sense of shame. Fear often spirals downward into shame in this way—but it doesn’t have to. Consider Psalm 34:5: “Those who look on him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” 

Shame has no place in the Christian life. The life of a pastor’s daughter can be free—free of shame and the lies that foster it. God began teaching me this truth many years ago, and I’m so glad He did. Still today, I need Psalm 34:5. When I’m tempted to believe lies about myself, I get to take these thoughts captive like the joy thieves they are and say, “Absolutely not. Those who look on him are radiant and will not be ashamed.” 

Beholding God transforms us. Remember Moses’s audacious request, “Please show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18). God hid Moses in the cleft of a rock and covered him with His hand, allowing him only a passing glimpse of glory, yet Moses descended the mountain with his face aglow. He was made radiant with the glory of God. 

Moses lived under the Old Covenant, but today we live in the glorious freedom of gospel realities. Christ has defeated sin and shame so completely that we can behold glory head-on. “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:12-18). 

I’m grateful God used my fear to turn my eyes upward to the glory that transforms. I can testify to this truth with confidence: The hurt and fearful pastor’s daughter is made radiant in the light of His glory. Shame has no stronghold in a heart captivated by Him.

Encouragement for Worried Ministry Parents: It’s Going to Be Okay

I’m not sure my parents knew how much I was learning back then. I’m not sure they always know how much I’m learning today. They can’t see God’s quiet work in my heart as it’s being done. But He’s always been working, nonetheless. God’s faithfulness in ministry struggles is woven all throughout the tapestry of my life.

Pastor, if your PK is a believer, you can trust that God is working in the unseen places, redeeming heartache to deepen their joy, transforming them from one degree of glory to another.  

If you’re worried that the challenges of growing up a pastor’s kid will overwhelm your PK at some point, know that they probably will. But also know that this is God’s kindness. My encouragement for worried ministry parents is this: Commit to trusting God’s faithfulness with audacious confidence. His glory is powerful. Pray that your PK would behold it. 

God has used ministry pressures, hurt, and heartbreak to turn my eyes upward—to teach me to pray and to marvel at the God who hears and answers. His glory is slowly but surely shattering my fear and leaving me transformed. If God can do this for me, He can do it for your PK, too. You don’t have to be afraid, pastor. God is faithful. It’s going to be okay.

©Abby Jo Thompson. Used with permission.