Five Ways for Pastors to Maintain a Healthy Family-Ministry Balance
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.” -Ephesians 5:25
Pastors understand the high calling of life as ministers of the gospel. In many cases, vocational service to the Lord requires sacrifices: costly theological education, living far from family, enduring constant criticism, functional loneliness, long hours, and modest remuneration. Unfortunately, many pastors could easily add their families to the list of sacrifices. In some ministry models, the pastor must sacrifice his family to put Christ first. But is neglecting our families best for the kingdom?
Charles Spurgeon rightly calls into question the testimony of someone who neglects to care for their family, “If there be any who are professedly Christians, who nevertheless have no sort of interest in the welfare of their children, I only utter what I believe to be the solemn truth, when I say that their profession is a mistake, if not a hypocrisy: they had better give it up.” We know better, but how can we balance the demands of family and ministry? Here are five ways pastors can maintain a healthy balance between family and ministry.
First, commit to the principle: I will honor God by loving my family and seeking to fulfill ministry obligations. A pastor who fails to love their family compromises their witness and models failure to the church. As ministers, when we love our families well, we enhance our ability to minister to our community effectively. Hypocrisy serves no church. But loving our family well and ministering need not be mutually exclusive. It is possible to love our families well while we minister, but it won’t happen by accident. We need to strive consciously to do both well.
Second, communication is essential to success in both the ministry and family. Talk to your family. Paul Tripp helpfully suggests, “Invite your children to respectfully appeal to you when you have treated them in ways you would never treat someone in your church” (Dangerous Calling, 211). If you are married, ask your spouse how you are meeting their needs as you minister. Many pastors face the challenge of honoring parents in their sunset years. Ask them how you can bless and honor them in that crucial stage of life. By openly discussing our need to love our family with our family, we will be more aware of areas where we need help and need to make changes.
Third, talk with church leaders and accountability partners about how you are balancing family and ministry. Again, Tripp encourages us, “Ask for help in making better choices when it comes to being faithful to the dual calling you have to family and ministry” (Dangerous Calling, 211). This is humbling, but it serves two purposes. First, it helps us love our families well by gaining wisdom and insight from others. Second, it alerts church leaders to the pressures in the pastor’s life. If a major problem arises, it won’t be out of the blue, and the church leadership will be better able to walk with you.
Fourth, establish boundaries with church leadership and be faithful in transparent communication about your use of time. Many small and medium-sized churches do not have clear policies on days off, vacations, and sabbaticals. Creating policies serves to protect both the pastor and the church. Be sure to take days off each week. Yes, sometimes ministry emergencies infringe on those days, but don’t let regular ministry requirements (sermon prep, counseling, leader meetings) encroach on family time. Be clear on vacation and days and take advantage of them. Good use of time off protects against ministry burnout and will be a blessing to your family. If your church allows, use sabbaticals, which contribute to longevity in the pastorate and benefit the church and pastor alike. If you are married, don’t forget to prioritize a date night with your spouse. When we regularly invest in our marriage, ministry emergencies are easier to deal with as a family.
Finally, grow with your family. Our needs change as our family changes. Pastors with young children face different challenges than pastors with teenagers or adult children. As your family grows, consider what changes you might need to make to serve them well. For example, as our kids got older, our evenings filled up. This meant I needed to adjust my schedule to get my work done a little earlier so I could give rides to events. This may seem like an insignificant change, but it was a great help to my wife and helped my kids understand that they are as important to me as the church is.
Our best tactic to balance ministry and family is to view caring for our families as an indispensable part of our ministry. Martin Luther often wrote in defense of marriage and families. His words on raising children apply as much to pastors as to any family, “But this at least all married people should know. They can do no better work and do nothing more valuable either for God, for Christendom, for all the world, for themselves, and for their children than to bring up their children well.” Let’s serve the church well by not neglecting to care for those closest to us.
©2024 Ryan Boys. Used with permission.
About The Author

Ryan Boys
Ryan Boys serves as the lead pastor of Green Pond Bible Chapel in Rockaway, NJ. He is the author of the forthcoming How to Preach Apocalyptic with Fontes Press.