Loving and Caring for the Elderly in Your Congregation

The world we live in doesn’t often encourage respect for older people. Ours is a culture obsessed with youth, health, and vitality. We judge people based on their physical resemblance to a youthful ideal of beauty and assign value to people according to their productivity and usefulness. It’s almost as if the presence of older people reminds others that they, too, will begin to slow down, grow frailer, and eventually die. Thus, the elderly exist, for the most part, on the fringes of society. Few movies, television shows, or advertisements feature people over 60 (unless the sponsors intend to advertise products to help people look younger!); it’s almost as if we’d like to pretend they don’t exist so that we can imagine that we will be spry and healthy forever.

The word of God, however, holds out elderly believers as special objects of respect and care from God’s people. They are to be honored for their lifetime of accrued wisdom (Leviticus 19:32, Proverbs 20:29), encouraged as if they were our parents (I Timothy 5:1-2), and provided for as necessary from the resources of the congregation (I Timothy 5:9-12). The book of James goes so far as to identify care for widows (who would typically be elderly) as part of a “religion that is pure and undefiled” (James 1:27). God means for the church to be a counter-cultural community in the way that it cares for and honors older members in their body.

With that in mind, here are a few things that pastors can do to help encourage the people of God to love and care for the elderly in the congregation:

Think about ways to make older members feel like an important part of the church body.

As a pastor, you can make choices that communicate to your congregation that elderly people are valued members of the community. For example, consider asking older men and women to read Scripture and lead in prayer when your church gathers. Or try using illustrations in your sermons highlighting the faithfulness and godliness of elderly congregants.

In our church, we have taken a Sunday evening prayer service and devoted it to hearing from elderly members of our church. One of our pastors interviewed a few older members, asking questions like:

• What are your days like now that you are retired?
• In what ways is your life different now than it was when you were middle-aged?
• How do you think about finishing your race well?
• What difficulties do you face that your younger brothers and sisters in the church might not know about or understand?
• What kinds of things make church a joy for you? What makes it difficult?

Listening to their answers helped the rest of the church to grow in empathy and love for older saints. We then spent time praying for the older members of our church as a way of loving them.

Point younger members to older members for advice and discipleship.

Older people usually have experience with marriage and parenting, and they can testify to the Lord’s faithfulness over a lifetime, but many don’t know how to do spiritual good to younger believers. Pastors can help older members be fruitful in their old age by facilitating conversations between younger and older ones. In our church, we give young people the assignment of inviting an older person out to breakfast or coffee and asking them questions like these (the complete list of questions is available at https://sterlingparkbc.org/questions-for-life):

1. How do you go about your prayer life?
2. How do you go about reading/studying Scripture?   
3. What are some of your best/most fruitful evening/bedtime routines?
4. In what areas of the Christian life do you still hope to grow?
5. What advice do you have about dating well – looking towards engagement/marriage?
6. How do you fight temptation toward sin? How about towards sexual sin in particular?
7. How do you wisely engage with cultural/political/worldly information outlets without being consumed by them? (news, podcasts, books, etc.).
8. What are some things you do to make the church a priority?

These questions help build intergenerational relationships in the congregation and give elderly members a sense that their gifts and experience are useful for the edification of the body (Ephesians 4:12).

Be aware of particular ways that elderly members need the church’s care and love.

Many younger pastors will find it hard to understand the daily experiences and needs of older members. If your daily life is taken up with the details of leading a busy church and raising a young family, the difficulties and struggles of older congregants might not be immediately on your radar. In addition, a long lifetime of self-sufficiency can make it difficult for elderly people to acknowledge and ask for the help they may need. But the church can show love to these saints by pro-actively caring for them in practical ways, such as:

1. Regular visits from younger families can help stave off loneliness.
2. Rides to church or doctors’ appointments or help grocery shopping can bring great practical relief.
3. Help with technology or home repairs that can make life easier.

Preach to the older saints too!

The application of your sermons will make it clear who is on your radar and in your mind. Most pastors will have to discipline themselves to think of people in different stages of life when they are bringing their messages to bear on people’s daily experiences, and that’s true of younger pastors seeking to care for elderly members. If all of your applications are to young parents or students or people looking to get married, then the widows, retirees, and infirm members of your church will get the message that they are not the people that you are preaching to. But barring early death or the Lord’s return, everyone in your church will need to know what the Bible says about growing old well and running the end of their race with faith and joy. Everyone in the church will need to be shaped by Scripture to face their inevitable death in a way that honors the Lord.

The body of Christ comprises many members, each gifted to bless the church. Pastors must ensure that the elderly saints are not cast onto the margins of church life but are valued and deployed to serve the congregation.

©2024 Michael McKinley. Used with permission.