The Confused Crowds and Pornography

New research shows more christians are viewing pornography than ever before. How can pastors help Christians struggling with pornography? 

In Matthew 9, Jesus has a large crowd of people coming to him for help and healing. As he sees them, the gospel records that Jesus “had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matthew 9:36, NLT).

In many ways, we are seeing a crowd of people today who are seemingly “confused and helpless” when it comes to the topics of sexuality and pornography. The masses are struggling! In new research being released this Fall, done by Barna and commissioned by Pure Desire Ministries, the data tells us a compelling story.

Since 2016, the percentage of people who acknowledge they use pornography has risen by 19%. For the first time ever, a majority of Christians would echo this same reality— 54% of practicing Christians answered that they are viewing pornography. While we may be tempted to think this issue is primarily among men, 44% of all women and 34% of Christian women say this is an ongoing issue for them as well. This is just a snapshot of the early data that will be fleshed out in the full report from the Barna group. But the data is sadly clear—more people are struggling with sexual brokenness than ever before. The “crowd” is no less in need of godly shepherds now than in Jesus’ day!

The Crowd’s Misconceptions

The question we might need to ask as pastors and leaders is, “Are these crowds of people, who are stuck in sexual brokenness, coming for help?” The new data tells us that, by and large, the answer is no, people are not seeking help. When asked, “Who is helping you with your struggle with pornography?” an astounding 82% responded “No one.” On a list of who people feel most comfortable approaching about their struggle, a pastor or spiritual leader came in 9th, far below answers like a therapist, doctor, or close friend. Only 11% of pornography users said they felt comfortable going to their pastor. 

If we are the body of Christ and have been called by Jesus to love one another (John 13:34), confess to one another (James 5:16), and bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), then why are so few men and women finding help in this struggle—a struggle that can so quickly devastate a life or a family? Again, we may be able to pull some insights from the way men and women answered questions about their beliefs around this topic. Consider these common misconceptions a large percentage of people hold:

• 64% of people strongly or somewhat agree that a person can “both regularly view pornography AND live a sexually healthy life.”
• Additionally, 65% believe it is possible to stop a struggle with compulsive sexual behavior by willpower alone.
• Almost half of Christians who have a personal history of porn use—49%—have no problem with the amount of pornography they watch.

Christians Are Struggling with Pornography: How to Help

With attitudes like these prevailing in our day, it is little wonder that we see more men and women engaging and continuing in porn use than ever before. We have strayed a long way from Job saying in the Old Testament, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a…woman” (Job 31:1, NLT). Our current milieu seems to be, “My eyes can see what they want, and it really doesn’t affect my heart or my relationships.”

As pastors, we know this isn’t the case. We know the deep connection that exists between the body, soul, and mind that God has given us, and we cannot invite unhealth or sin into one area without infecting our whole being.

So, if this is the reality of the congregations in which we preach and lead, what can we do? How do we invite people into a new vision of healthy sexuality that is both Biblical and beautiful? I see three places where every pastor could make a positive difference in this area and at the same time show the compassion of Christ to those trapped in the confusing sexual ethic of our world:

1. Normalize the conversation around healthy, holy sexuality in our churches.

Most Christians hear about sex regularly in our sex-saturated culture, but rarely at church. When sex is mentioned, it is usually within a list of sins or being discussed as exclusive to marriage. While these references are accurate, this approach can leave the average Christian feeling like their struggles with lust, pornography, and compulsive behavior are outside the lines of church. The most common method they are given to face their struggle is to go somewhere else and deal with the behaviors privately (“Seeing a therapist” was by far the number one answer given when people were asked what they should do about a struggle with pornography.)

What if, instead, the church could be the safest place for someone to go and find help with their sexual struggles? What if they heard routinely, even from the stage or platform, about the goodness of God’s creation in our bodies and sexuality? What if we prioritized discipleship opportunities where men and women could grow in their understanding of godly sexuality, be equipped to help those around them who struggled? By normalizing the conversation around healthy, holy sexuality, we could invite the confused crowds into a place of healing and grace. 

2. Acknowledge the ways in which our struggle is impacted by underlying issues.

Is seeking out pornography and engaging in compulsive sexual behavior sinful? Absolutely. But the reality is that merely telling someone a behavior is wrong may create conviction, but this is only the first step towards transformation. As both a pastor and now the Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries, I have led hundreds of men through a Pure Desire small group experience. 100% of these men believed that what they were doing was wrong and had tried repeatedly to change their behavior, primarily by themselves.

When we battle a sinful pattern on our own, we often stay blind to deeper issues that drive the behavior. The truth is that men and women are often not able to see how past trauma, false beliefs from childhood, and deeply ingrained patterns of behavior are influencing their ability to  walk with God in sexual holiness.

Relying on God’s Strength

This is what happened in the life of Gideon when God called him to lead Israel. The angel of the Lord appeared to him at the threshing floor and declared, “God is with you, Mighty Warrior!” Part of Gideon’s response back is to question this identity: “How can I save Israel…I am the least in my family!”  The Lord responded, “But I will be with you.”

Gideon needed to know that God’s strength was what Gideon needed to rely on, not his own.

Changing these false beliefs is a process that takes time, intentionality, and a healthy community that can help us rely on God and His power to change us. This process can take us to Jesus and His grace while also illuminating the hidden false beliefs that have kept us stuck. The apostle Paul invites us in Romans 12 to, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). When we can name our past pain and the lies associated with it, we can invite the grace and presence of Jesus into these moments. Rather than continuing to listen to the same accusations from their past— “you’re not good enough”, “you don’t matter”—men and women can invite God to change the narrative and begin living out his truth experientially. This is how the mind can be renewed! 

3. Emphasize the progressive nature of change rather than calling for immediate perfection.

Finding lasting freedom from pornography and other forms of compulsive sexual behavior is a journey. We may find a new power or a deep release from shame at an altar call or a mountaintop experience, but living in that new way is part of our sanctification process. Just as we don’t typically heal from pride, anger, or destructive thoughts in a moment, so also freedom in this arena is about learning to walk in a new way. While I believe God could choose to heal anyone in a miraculous moment, I have also seen the miracle that occurs when men and women experience change and healing over the course of months and years.

When we speak about lust and pornography, we too often separate people into categories of “healthy” or  “unhealthy”,  “pure” or  “impure”. Since most of us fall short of perfection, we live in silent shame about being sinful and impure. What if, instead, we could present all people as being on a spectrum, moving away from sin and unhealth towards health and godliness? When we give people permission to be on a journey, we empower the kind of community where it is safe to be real. When we are real, we find the help we need and move deeper into community. The confused crowd becomes the connected people of God. 

You don’t have to be an expert on sexuality to make a difference in your church. When we normalize the conversation, go beyond to the underlying issues, and call people to a process of change, we open the doors of healing. I pray that every church in America and around the world could become this kind of safe place. Our people are struggling. How will we respond? 

©2024 Nick Stumbo. Used with permission.