What the Church Needs to Teach Fathers
For years I have been doing men’s conferences based on the exhortation in I Corinthians 16:13-14. What prompted the choice of the text was the exhortation “act like men,” which set the tone for the other four exhortations. In these two verses, the Apostle Paul exhorts the Corinthian believers to take the letter’s contents to heart and gives them a final push to fulfill their calling as saints.
What is striking about this exhortation is that it fits an exhortation to manly living and provides a paradigm for fathers to raise godly, manly sons. The texts lay out the essential attributes that every father needs to teach his sons for them to be what God expects them to be and for them to be successful in performing their God-given duties. There is no question that our young men are facing great challenges today, from gender affirmation to the question of Biblical masculinity. Our young men need their fathers to teach them these essential traits for effective living as men, fathers, church leaders, and citizens. The five essential traits are: responsibility, strong Biblical convictions, manly courage, self-control, and selfless affection for others.
The church is responsible for equipping the fathers to teach these traits to their sons effectively. Just as Moses addressed the fathers in Israel, so we need to address our fathers in our churches (Deuteronomy 6:1-9; see also Ephesians 6:4). The words of Moses impacted three generations (Deuteronomy 6:2), involved a whole-hearted belief in the Word of God (Deuteronomy 6:6), careful personal obedience to the Word, (Deuteronomy 6:2-3), and a commitment to teaching the Word of God to their sons by every means available (Deuteronomy 6:7-9). Likewise, the church must come alongside our fathers to help them prepare their sons to be godly Christian men. Here are five essential traits that the church should help fathers impress upon the minds and hearts of their sons.
Responsibility
Paul begins the section with the command: “Be on the alert” (I Corinthians 16:13). It is a call to watchfulness, to a wise assessment of present dangers (I Peter 4:7; 5:7). It implies a rousing from sleep or spiritual stupor and a sober assessment of one’s responsibilities to one’s situation (Matthew 25:1-13; 25:14-30). Throughout the epistle, the Apostle Paul has reminded the believer that everyone will give an account for their actions to the Lord (I Corinthians 3:8, 10-15; 4:1-5; 8:9; 9:17; 10:11-12; 11:27-32; 15:58).
Our society continues to relieve men of their responsibilities for their actions through a philosophy of blame. Men are taught to blame others for their failures. It also relieves men of responsibility by teaching them to expect others to care for them, to provide for them from the cradle to the grave. “Helicopter parenting” does not help the situation either.
Fathers need to teach their sons that they are responsible for their well-being, that it is up to them to get up on time, dress themselves, and be about completing what is necessary for survival and success. They must be made to see what God expects of Christian men. God calls Christian men to be leaders in the home as husbands and fathers (Ephesians 5:21-22; 6:4); they are called to be leaders in their churches as workers and leaders (I Timothy 2:8-12); they are to be providers and protectors in the home and society (I Timothy 5:4, 8; 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15).
Fathers must model this trait at home, church, work, and society. They need to train their sons at an early age to learn to assume responsibility for self, family, home, and life. The goal of parenting is to produce an adult man who is able to leave the home to provide for himself and his family, take his place in the church and society, and enjoy God and His creation (Luke 2:52).
Strong Biblical Convictions
The next exhortation is to “stand firm in the faith,” which means to know biblical truth and be willing to live by it (I Corinthians 16:13). “Faith” here may mean “the act of believing,” but most likely, it refers to the body of truth revealed in Scripture such as that referred to by Jude, “the faith which was once for all handed down to the saints” (Jude 3). Our sons need to know the Scriptures. They need to have a clear Biblical worldview. They need to know the cardinal orthodox doctrines of the Christian church and be able to articulate them to others (Proverbs 1:1-7; 2 Timothy 3:14-17).
In addition to knowing the faith, they must develop their convictions about what they have learned. This involves learning to live by these truths and principles in their everyday life. It means to testify to faith in Christ openly and to learn to stand up to antagonism and persecution. It also means that these Biblical convictions will dictate their professions in life, their friends and associations, the activities they will pursue, the woman they will marry, and the church they will attend. Their lives will not be divorced from doctrine (Proverbs 1:8-19; 2:1-5; 3:1-12; Psalm 119:9-16).
Fathers must fulfill the injunctions of Scripture, commanding them first to be believers themselves and then teach the Word of God diligently to their sons (Deuteronomy 6:6-9). God exhorts fathers not to provoke their children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). In addition to modeling Biblical convictions, fathers should endeavor to teach their sons the importance of personal Bible reading and Bible study, the godly habit of church attendance, the importance of the study of theology, and the freedom to dialogue with their fathers about spiritual matters, including questions of doubt and struggles in their personal faith. Fathers should be quick to use every life experience as a classroom to develop Biblical convictions in their sons (Deuteronomy 6:7-9). Blessed is that father who can say like the Apostle John, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4).
Manly Courage
The next command in the list is “act like men,” which is a translation of a special word found only here in the Greek New Testament but which is used quite often in the Greek translation of the Old Testament, the LXX (I Corinthians 16:13; see Deuteronomy 31:6-7, 23; Joshua 1:6, 9, 18; 10:24; 2 Samuel 10:12; I Chronicles 22:12; 2 Chronicles 32:7; Psalms 26:14; 30:25). The word is usually combined with the next imperative, “be strong.” The word means “be manly” or “play the man.” It came to mean “be courageous” and, thus, “be willing to do the manly thing that a mature person would do.” Hence, the interpretation is “be courageous.”
Fathers must teach their sons to be courageous, manly, and “act like men” when needed. As men, our sons must learn to face the challenges and responsibilities of life. Modern men are far from being courageous. Men stay with their parents longer, often as dependents; they marry later, if at all. They shun responsibilities at home, fear having children, and are quick to call it quits in schooling, jobs, and marriage. They are even absent in our churches or uninvolved at best. The root cause is fear and the inability to face up to the challenges of life.
Hence, fathers need to expose their sons to life’s hardships and rigors, encourage them to take risks on the important things in life, and face disappointments and failures with a courageous spirit. Modern parents want to shield their sons from dangers, disappointments, and hardships, so the outcome is weak men who cannot fulfill their responsibilities. We need to show our sons to draw their courage from the same source that God instructed Joshua: from God’s presence, plan, and Word (Joshua 1:1-9). God’s plan makes us accomplish them no matter how difficult; His Word provides instruction and inspiration to succeed, and His presence gives us comfort and confidence that we can do it. Every son needs to know how to “act like men.”
Practice Self-Control
As noted above, this fourth command, “be strong” (I Corinthians 16:13), is often joined in the Old Testament with the command, “act like men.” Together, they reinforce the need to stand and act like a man. Again, the word for “be strong” is not common in the New Testament and is used primarily of God (Ephesians 3:16). The root is found in Ephesians 1:19; 6:10; Colossians 1:11; and I Timothy 6:16. The word can also be translated “be strengthened” or “strengthen yourself,” and carries the idea of inner strength that comes from self-sacrifice, self-denial, and self-discipline. Hence, our exhortation for our fathers to teach their sons to be self-disciplined.
Men today are out of control. Men are primarily responsible for our mass shootings. They are the main users of illicit drugs and alcohol. They are addicted to pornography and are often the culprits in child molestation and rape. Men are the vanguard in fatherless homes, homelessness, poverty, and suicide. Our prisons are overflowing with men. Obviously, the picture is primarily those men who seek to live without Christ, but a good portion are men raised in Christian homes and churches. These are men out of control.
Fathers need to teach their sons the art and habit of self-discipline. Self-discipline is a Christian virtue (Titus 2:8; 2 Peter 1:6; Acts 24:25). It is a product of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:23; 2 Timothy 1:7). Fathers need to teach their sons to control their tempers and emotions, their bodily appetites, their desires and lusts, and their unhealthy and unholy habits. (Romans 13:14; Galatians 5:24-26).
Self-discipline also includes a good work ethic by teaching our sons to master their own bodies and pleasures. It means to learn to let the Holy Spirit control them and not intoxicants or illicit drugs (Ephesians 5:18). Fathers cannot allow their sons to be out of control, out of physical shape, out of mind, out of work, out of house, and out of hope. Self-discipline begins with showing the priority and benefit of the “discipline of godliness” (I Timothy 4:7-8). It demands that we discipline our bodies and make them our slaves so that we can achieve God’s purposes for our lives (I Corinthians 9:24-27). It will come as we wait on the Lord for the strength to win the battle (Isaiah 40:29-31; Ephesians 6:10-12). It will come as we endure the trials and difficulties that call for endurance and thus produce endurance (Romans 5:3-5; Hebrews 12:1-3, 4-7).
Selfless Affection
The fifth exhortation is “Let all that you do be done in love” (I Corinthians 16:14). It points to a trait many men lack today: selfless affection for others. Men need to learn how to love others. They know how to love themselves but fall far short of loving others, especially those closest to them. Society expects men to be selfish, brutal, cruel, unfeeling, aloof, and unsympathetic. Christianity is the exact opposite of this (Galatians 5:22-23; 2 Peter 1:4-8; I Corinthians 13:4-8).
Fathers need to teach their sons to have selfless affection towards others. Jesus calls this one of the prime commandments: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:40), which is the fulfillment of the Law of God (Romans 13:8-9; Galatians 5:14; James 2:8). Our Lord said that love is to “treat people the same way you want them to treat you” (Matthew 7:12). We need to teach our sons that without love for others, they are nothing, no matter what talents they possess or no matter what they accomplish in life (I Corinthians 13:1-3). Love begins at home when one learns to love one’s mother and father, brother and sister, neighbors and relatives, friends and even enemies (Matthew 5:43-48).
We need to teach our sons that sacrificial love is the mark of the true Christian (John 13:35) and that it is the love that the Lord Jesus demonstrated for us, which He called “a new commandment” (John 13:44). Sacrificial love puts the interest of others over one’s own interests (Philippians 2:3-4). Our sons need to learn to think of others first and to put the needs of others above theirs. Our Lord described sacrificial love in this way: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Men must learn to die to self.
Men with selfless affection will love their wives the way Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:22-25) and will love their children and not be embittered with them (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). Such men will love and care for parents (I Timothy 5:8) and will love God’s people unconditionally (I Peter 1:22-23; 4:8-9). Such love will flow from hearts which love God fervently (Matthew 22:37; I John 4:19).
Paul summed up his epistle to the Corinthians with these five simple but profound exhortations, exhorting the church to implement a vast body of truth given to them. It also serves as a five-point agenda for fathers as to what they should seek to form in the hearts and habits of their sons. The church must prepare itself to be that vehicle, that environment, that support to help our fathers fulfill these God-given tasks of raising the next generation of godly men and fathers. Pastors and church leaders should model these traits, teach them, expect them in our men, and seek practical ways to teach them to both fathers and sons. Neglect or failure is not an option.
©2024 Alex D. Montoya. Used with permission.
About The Author

Alex Montoya
Alex D. Montoya is the senior pastor at First Fundamental Bible Church in Whittier, Calif. He is the author of the book, Preaching with a Passion.