Youth Ministry and the Senior Pastor: When My Child’s in the Student Program

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

What we love, we notice.

As a kid, I didn’t really care for chess. My dad would pull out the board now and then, and I’d play along for a bit, but my eyes were usually on the backyard where my friends were making forts and staging World Series games. Chess was fine—but it didn’t matter to me.

That all changed the moment my son fell in love with it. 

Suddenly, it mattered a lot. I was spending Saturdays in high school cafeterias watching tournaments, listening to chess podcasts, and even texting my wife midweek updates on Magnus Carlsen. What once felt dry became a passion—because someone I loved cared deeply about it.

What we love, we notice.

It’s the same with youth ministry.

When I was in my twenties, I was neck-deep in student ministry. I spent hours discipling college students and pouring into high school leaders. I loved it. But over time, pastoral responsibilities expanded—staffing, budgets, building campaigns, leadership development, counseling. Youth ministry became a file folder instead of a heartbeat.

Then, my oldest turned twelve.

Suddenly, youth group wasn’t just another ministry—it was a mission field that included my child. The content, the volunteers, the schedule, the spiritual tone—all of it carried new weight. My kids were there. Their friends were there. Their spiritual trajectory was tied to what happened in that room.

If you’re a senior pastor with kids in student ministry, you know what I mean. And if your kids aren’t there yet, they will be.

The question is: How do we engage wisely? How do we support without smothering? How do we lead without overreaching? Here are ten lessons I’m learning as both a pastor and a parent.

1.   Pressure Off, Presence Optional

Your child doesn’t need your spotlight—just your support. 

Our church has been incredibly kind to our kids. No one expected them to be flawless because they’re pastor’s kids. But I’ve learned that showing up at youth events can sometimes create unspoken pressure. It’s not about hiding—it’s about giving them space to breathe. My kids know I’m “eyes on” and in their corner (cf. 1 Samuel 2:22–36), but sometimes the best way to support them is to let them be part of the group on their own.

2.   Clarify the Hat You’re Wearing

Say when you’re Dad. Say when you’re Pastor. Don’t confuse the two. 

There are moments when our kids ask questions and we know more than we should. When that happens, I’ve learned to preface my response with, “I’m answering this as your dad.” Or, “Right now I’m talking to you as your pastor.” Clarity builds trust. The same goes for youth leaders. When they approach me with feedback about my child, I try to make clear whether I’m responding with a father’s heart or a leader’s lens.

3.   Celebrate Risk, Not Just Results

A youth ministry afraid to fail will never flourish.

Every generation brings fresh ideas. A new worship style. A unique outreach effort. A different tone. And that’s okay. The goal isn’t to recreate our 1990s youth group glory days—it’s to cheer on the present one. Senior pastor applause creates oxygen for young leaders to lead. Creativity needs cover. Celebrate the risk, even if it flops.

4.   Treat Them as the Now Generation

If we expect more, they’ll exceed it.

Students don’t need to be sidelined until they’re older. They need to be engaged now. Plug them into Sunday serving—on worship teams, tech crews, children’s ministry, or greeting teams. Youth group is valuable, but it shouldn’t isolate them from the church body. Paul reminded Timothy of the legacy he inherited (cf. 2 Timothy 1:5)—and the same applies to our teens. They grow when they serve.

5.   Own Your Age with Joy

You don’t need to be cool—just credible.

Here’s the truth: we’re not in our twenties anymore. Skinny jeans and slang aren’t the goal. Our teens don’t need us to be hip—they need us to be holy. One night, after youth group, my daughter pointed at a visiting pastor and asked, “Dad, how come you don’t dress like that cool pastor?” I smiled and said, “Because I’m your dad—and I love being your dad.” Proverbs 16:31 reminds us: gray hair is a crown of glory.

6.   Show Up to Respect, Not Inspect 

Be a champion, not a critic.

It’s easy to walk into a youth night with a clipboard in our mind—mentally critiquing the message, the lighting, the games, the flow. But that crushes morale. If you’re going to show up, come as a supporter. Ask good questions. Give highfives. Encourage leaders (cf. 1 Timothy 4:12). Say, “I believe God’s going to use you,” or “Your faith encourages me.”

7.   Give Youth Their Own Night

Let them gather to grow—then scatter to serve.

If teens are serving on Sundays, let them have a dedicated night to grow together. 

Youth group is more than games and pizza. It’s a space to worship, hear the Word, and build godly relationships. Jesus gathered the disciples to teach them, then sent them out to witness. Youth ministry should mirror that. It’s their night to go deep with God and one another.

8.   Hire for Character, Not Just Competency 

A godly youth leader makes your parenting easier.

As pastors, we’re often involved in hiring decisions. When it comes to student ministry, choose character over charisma. Is the candidate biblically rooted? Humble? Do they love the Word more than a platform? Paul urges Timothy to “watch your life and doctrine closely” (cf. 1 Timothy 4:16). That’s the kind of leader who will shape your teen and make your parenting role easier. 

9.   Parent with Roots and Release

Build deep roots while preparing for wide wings.

In our home, we made it clear: we were watching. Whether through technology boundaries or volunteer feedback, we were present. But it was never about control—it was about preparation. When we dropped our son at college, I hugged him and said, “Call if you need us, but we’re not calling every day.” Kids flourish when roots are deep and freedom is intentional.

10. Stay Under Authority to Model Authority 

Let your kids see that you answer to the Word.

When you have to say “no” as a parent or address an issue in youth ministry as a pastor, always point to the Bible. Let your kids see that Scripture—not preference—governs your decisions (cf. 2 Timothy 3:16–17). It protects you from favoritism and reinforces godly authority. When we lead under the Word, we model what we expect them to follow.

It’s Worth the Work

The more we love, the more we notice. When our kids enter youth ministry, it’s natural to tune in more closely. But that awareness must be shaped by prayerful engagement—not pressure.

I’ll always be thankful for the youth leaders who poured into our children, many times around our own kitchen table—who taught them the same truths we were teaching at home, just in a voice they could hear. They didn’t try to replace us. They reinforced us. 

And that made all the difference.

To my fellow senior pastors: You play a vital role in shaping the next generation—not just through sermons, but through the way you support the student ministry that shapes your kids.

So lean in with grace. Cover them in prayer. Lead with humility. And when you’re not sure what to do next—choose love over fear.

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