How to be Patient in Hurt and Heartache

When you work on a team with other sinners, one thing is sure—troubles will come.

The people who have hurt me the deepest in ministry are those with whom I have worked closest—those “on the team.” Yet the Lord has given us tools in Scripture to walk gracefully through deep ministry hurts.

A word from James

“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.” (James 5:7–11 ESV; emphasis mine)

One of the most important life lessons everyone must learn is how to respond correctly when you have been wronged. At some point in our lives, we will all be wounded. Often, we are surprised by it; we live life happily, delighting in our blessings, and then —wham!—a trial broadsides us.

A family member betrays us.

Someone spreads malicious gossip about us—and it is believed.

Someone we admire severely disappoints us.

We discover a close friend’s secret sin.

We are shocked, angered, and disoriented, and we begin to wonder, “Is there anyone I can trust?”

How do you respond? In frustration or anger? Grumbling, complaining, or getting even? How do we rebuild from here? James 5 is a passage to which you can turn to when you are working through this kind of hardship and betrayal.

Two key words

There are two key words in this passage: patience and steadfastness. The word “patience” shows up four times (vv. 7, 8, 10) and “steadfastness” twice (v. 11).

Being patient

The first thing we need to understand about patience is that it is not something we do—it is something we are.

“Be patient, therefore, brothers…You also, be patient…” (vv. 7, 8).

James does not tell us to do patience. He tells us to be patient. Be the type of person who is patient.

Patience is the ability to endure great mistreatment from people or circumstances without losing your temper, becoming irritated or angry, and without taking vengeance. The Greek word we translate with the word “patience” is a combination of two words: long and spirit/soul. So a patient person is a “long-souled” person. Some languages describe patience as “a heart that remains seated during provocation.”

In the Old Testament, patience is always associated with wisdom (Proverbs 19:11) and it includes the ability to bear pain or trial without complaint, and to suffer long under provocation.

In the New Testament, it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) much like self-control—the combination of which keeps us from acting impulsively or sinfully in the heat of adversity.¹

It is important as we define patience that we understand that patience is not passivity (unresponsiveness) or indulgence (tolerance). Patience is a loving and merciful response to being wronged, sinned against, neglected, or abused.

Our example of patience

God the Father is our ultimate example of patience. Jesus used a story to give us a glimpse of what God’s patience looks like.

“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
“But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.”Matthew 18:23–34 ESV

This parable deserves its own sermon, but the key aspect is how and from where do we derive our patience. Our ability to be patient flows from how the Lord has treated us. He has been so merciful to us. How many times have we sinned against him?

1 John 1:9 promises us that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” God has forgiven all our sins through Christ Jesus! Psalm 103:12 declares that our sins have been removed from us “as far as the East is from the West!” God’s “long-spiritedness” or patience with us is what drives our ability to be patient.

Now let’s turn our attention back to James 5, where he doesn’t just tell us to “be patient” but gives us three beautiful visions of what patience looks like in real life.

1. Patience looks like a farmer waiting (vv. 7-8)

“The farmer” pictured here is the sustenance farmer of first-century Palestine. He plants his carefully saved seed and hopes for a harvest, living on short rations and suffering hunger during the last weeks. His whole livelihood, indeed his life and the life of his family, depends on a good harvest: the loss of the farm, semi-starvation, or death could result from a bad year.

So, the farmer patiently waits for an expected future event. No one but him knows how important this harvest really is, but he must be patient no matter how hungry he is.²

He knows that if he is patient until after the “later rains” there is a reward, so he works and waits because of the coming reward. Just like that farmer, James tells us that we believers can be patient because we have a coming reward just like the farmer: “the coming of the Lord.”

The Bible tells us over and over to anticipate Jesus’ return.

“I am coming soon. Hold fast what you have, so that no one may seize your crown.”Revelation 3:11 ESV

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand;”Philippians 4:5 ESV

Scripture teaches that Jesus could return today. We are encouraged to respond patiently because we believe this truth. Think about this if we knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Jesus was going to return at 12:59p.m. today: Would we be a little more patient with each other?

The reality is that the hardships, disagreements, betrayals, and frustrations we are working through with people who drive us crazy will soon be over. So be patient. Be compassionate and merciful like the Lord has been with you. He is returning soon.

A Quick Warning

Before he gives us the last two visions of patience, James drops in a warning about “grumbling against one another” in verse 9. Grumbling is the antithesis of patience. It is neither merciful nor compassionate. God is once again our example in this, for he does not grumble about our faults and failures. Instead, he continues to love despite them. But just like Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18, if we refuse to change God will judge. Look at verse 9:“Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.”

The return of Christ is both an encouragement to be patient and a warning to not grumble.

2. Patience looks like the prophets remaining steadfast (vv. 9-11)

God’s prophets endured incredible wrongs at the hands of evil doers as well from God’s people. Hebrews 11:35–37 lists some of the things done to them:

“Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated—”

These prophets all suffered because of their faith, yet in their suffering they patiently endured and stood fast in their faith. The word translated “steadfast” carries the idea of “clinging or cleaving to God.” Courageous endurance is another way to translate the word.

Doing God’s will almost always leads to suffering. The prophets bore up under their afflictions and maintained their spiritual integrity, waiting patiently for the Lord himself to intervene or to transform their situations.

Regardless of what the world throws at us, the patient person clings courageously to God. When the storms of this life rage against us, they do not blow us off course because we are moored to Jesus. We can endure because we are anchored to the rock that will not move.

Have you tied yourself to Christ like that? Tough times are coming, or perhaps they have already arrived. Are you connected to Christ in such away that when the winds blow you will remain steadfast?

Verse 10 ends with “Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast.” This verse is a clear promise: Regardless of the difficulty, we consider people blessed when they remain steadfast in their faith and patient with others.³

3. Patience looks like Job eventually seeking God’s purpose (v. 11)

The last and best reason for us to “be patient” is the lesson we learn from Job’s life. Our present suffering is never the “end” of our story because when Christ is revealed in glory, we will be like him.⁴ Our story will end like Job’s—not with suffering but with joy!

“He will wipe away every tear from [our] eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”Revelation 21:4 ESV

Job suffered miserably. Satan desired to destroy his faith but he could not do it. Satan failed not because Job was a “super Christian” but because Job was tied unshakably (steadfastly) to his Lord. He patiently endured everything Satan could throw at him and, in the end, the Lord proved himself merciful and compassionate.

Rebuilding with patience

When we have short fuses, we are not being patient.

When we snap at our kids over minor, childish things, we need to grow in patience.

Those of us easily frustrated with the driver in front of us are not patient.

When we are quick to find fault with our co-workers’ failures, we are not patient.

When we begin to grumble, complain, or whine about the other department, we need patience. That exasperated ‘sigh’ when we are asked to redo something is impatience.

What needs to change? 

James tells us right in the middle of this passage. Look back at verse 8: “You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.”

James’ command to “establish our hearts” is an imperative. Now the Greek word for “establish” can also mean “strengthen,” but these two words do not help me much in modern English. I struggle to know what it means to strengthen or establish my heart.

But there is one other way this Greek word is translated, because the word is also found in Amos 9:4.

“…there I will command the sword, and it shall kill them; and I will fix my eyes upon them for evil and not for good.”

The phrase “I will fix my eyes upon them” is the same word as “establish.” The idea is this patience flows from fixing our eyes upon Jesus and not on the circumstances we are facing.

Fix your eyes, set and establish your heart in Jesus! Look for his return, trust in his promises, refuse to let temporary circumstances drive your attitudes and feelings. It’s just wind, and you are tied to the rock!

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1. Walter A. Elwell and Barry J. Beitzel,“Patience,” Baker Encyclopedia of the Bible(Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1988), 1619. ↩︎
2. Peter H. Davids, The Epistle of James: A Commentary on the Greek Text, New International Greek Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1982), 183. ↩︎
3. Peter H. Davids, The Epistle of James: A Commentary on the Greek Text, New International Greek Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1982), 186. ↩︎
4. Douglas J. Moo, The Letter of James, The Pillar New Testament Commentary (Grand Rapids, MI; Leicester, England: Eerdmans Apollos, 2000), 230. ↩︎

©2022, 2025 Paul Davis. All rights reserved. Used with permission.